You’re the go-to person. The one who keeps everything running. But tell me—when was the last time someone asked how you’re doing and actually waited for an answer?
It happens so subtly. At first, it’s small—staying late to help a colleague, skipping your workout to take a last-minute call, shelving your own ideas because someone else’s seem more urgent. Over time, it becomes a pattern. You prioritize everyone else’s needs at the expense of your own, convincing yourself that their happiness, their deadlines, and their comfort are more important than your own dreams and well-being.
But here’s a truth that might make you uncomfortable: Sacrificing yourself on the altar of other people’s needs doesn’t make you a better leader, a better partner, or a better friend. It makes you depleted. And the people who truly care about you don’t want your exhaustion; they want your full presence, your joy, and your success alongside theirs.
When Selflessness Becomes Self-Betrayal
A few years ago, I coached an executive who had spent her entire career making herself indispensable. She said yes to everything. She was the first to step in, the last to step out. Her team loved her, her family leaned on her, and from the outside, she seemed like the kind of person who had it all together.
Then one day, she sat across from me, exhausted, eyes hollow. “I don’t even know what I want anymore,” she admitted.
That moment changed her. It wasn’t burnout she was feeling—it was loss. Loss of self. She had spent so much time prioritizing others that she had disappeared from her own life.
Her story isn’t unique. It’s the story of every person who has given so much to others that they’ve forgotten themselves in the process. If this resonates with you, ask yourself:
When was the last time I said no without guilt?
Have I mistaken self-sacrifice for kindness?
Am I betraying myself to keep the peace?
Saying no isn’t rejection. It isn’t selfish. It’s clarity. It’s you recognizing that your well-being matters as much as anyone else’s.
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